Need Self Improvement? Ask These 10 Daily Questions to Yourself

The true self-improvement comes from your own realization, but how can you achieve it? Important daily questions to ask yourself can be the first steps toward improvement. Answering questions will “force” you to reflect and look at your day with a different perspective. However, you need to know the right question to ask.

Don’t wait to improve your way of living. Start by asking these 10 questions every day.

1. How do I feel today?

Start your day by being mindful of your own condition. Sit for a while on the bed, and without looking at your phone, ask this question to yourself. If your answer is dominated by negativity, think more deeply to find the root of the problem. For example, if you feel tired all the time, think about how your time management affects sleep schedule.

2. What important thing should I focus on today?

Make mindful checking of daily priorities you must do today. Think about things that should get your priorities, from answering urgent emails to sending meaningful birthday messages to a loved one. Learn to separate between what’s really important and not.

3. What things can I do differently today?

Mundane routine can make your life monotonous and “grey”. Try thinking about doing small changes. For example, you can think about changing your route to work, trying a different meal or place for lunch, or apply unique strategies when working on a project.

4. What challenges can I tackle today?

Thinking about life challenges can dampen your spirit. However, you can make yourself better by working on small challenges in daily life. Think about certain paperwork you must tackle, design parts to make, or daily parenting responsibilities to finish that day. Imagine how you can tackle them, so you can feel prepared when facing them.

5. How do I love myself today?

Loving yourself is important for mental health. However, our busy lifestyle often does not give opportunities to do this. Ask about things you can do that day for yourself. It can be something small, such as choosing a healthier lunch option or drinking more water. It can also be something bigger, such as starting to refuse personal requests that usually burden you.

6. How to show that I care?

Maintaining a positive relationship with family, friends, or colleagues is important for social connection and mental health. If you are not an expressive type, asking this question will help you find the best way to express care. Think about greeting your friends at work with more joyful attitude. Say thanks to your parents or spouse for always being there.

7. Am I using my time effectively?

Ask this question during the middle part of the day. This is important to reflect on how you use time. Poor time management can cause problems such as stress, lack of sleep, and poor daily performance. By recounting everything you do during the day (and how you work on them), you can reflect on your way of using time.

8. Am I feeling stress/anxious/negative?

Stress, anxiety, and other negativity can creep in a subtle way during the day. When negativity piles up without being handled, it can cause psychological problems later. Think about how many times you feel angry, overwhelmed, or anxious during the day. When you start realizing it, take some time to relax. Wash your face, drink water, make some tea, and do short breathing exercise on your chair.

9. What made me angry/stressed out/anxious today?

At the end of the day, think about things that really made you angry or stressed out. When reflecting at these things, you will understand things that need to be fixed or reduced.

10. What made me happy and grateful?

Close your day by thinking about things that made you happy, joyful, amused, or grateful. Recount all those situations, things, or activities, such as a compliment from your boss, a beautiful sunny day, or delicious menu options for lunch. Focus on these positive aspects of your day before you sleep.

Tips to Improve Self with Daily Questions

Prepare a journal or personal notebook to recount your days. Start writing your journal in the morning by jotting down the answers to your questions. Repeat the process at the end of the day. This journal will become your personal improvement “document”, and you can review it every few weeks to see your progress.

When writing in your journal at the end of the day, don’t forget to write down things that make you feel negative and positive. This information is useful to do a daily check of your mental health and stress level. If you experience psychological problems, such as depression or anxiety disorder, this journal can be an intervention tool. Your therapist can use the information to find the best solution.

Start Asking Questions Today!

This list of daily question to ask yourself is a basic guide. You can add additional questions or edit them to suit your daily activities. However, by starting from this list, you can start working on self-improvement. Remember, long-term improvements start from your own efforts.

How to Prevent Transference from Ruining Your Relationship

Not everyone understands the word “transference”, but this concept appears frequently in relationships. Transference in relationships causes certain people to repeat spousal abuse history, fall in love with toxic people, or fail to form an intimacy with their spouses. Understanding this concept will help you to take the first step in preventing it from ruining your efforts to form a healthy relationship.

Definition of Transference

The term “transference” started to emerge during the rise of psychoanalysis. It refers to a redirection of sentiment, feeling, or emotion experienced in the past to object or person at the present day. This term used to be popular among therapists, who used it to describe the “connection” that happens between therapist and client.

Now, transference has become a popular term to describe past psychological baggage, which affects current relationships. Transference causes someone to projects his or her past experiences to the current condition. Think about the times you heard words such as, “Don’t treat me like I’m your mother”, or “My abuse at the hands of my father made me afraid of connecting seriously with men”.

Transference may have a positive impact to form familiarity when connecting with new people. However, when there is much negative psychological baggage, transference can prevent you from creating a full, meaningful relationship.

Forms of Negative Transference in Relationship

There are several negative transferences one may experience in a relationship. They are:

  • Excessive idealization

Idealization happens when you are trying to “fill the gap” between what you know about a potential partner and his/her actual personality by creating an overly-ideal image. For example, if your father is cold, you may imagine a potential man as a “protective knight” or surrogate affection source.

  • Negative projection

If you have a lot of anger or bitterness from past experiences, you may project them on your loved one. For example, if your parents were demanding and authoritative, you may lash out to your loved one when he/she does not follow your high “standard”.

  • Avoidance

Excessive fear toward relationship can happen if a person is traumatic about a bad relationship. This can happen to a person from a broken home or those who got out of an abusive relationship.

  • Oedipal-type transference

This transference type describes people who fall in love with others who resemble their parents (father or mother). While it is not wrong, it can cause you to neglect your partner’s true personality when experienced in excessive level.

These negative transferences can affect relationships in many ways. They may reduce the quality of communication between couples. They can also make people act disproportionately when facing problems with their mates. You must solve your unfinished business or past burden to prevent transference from ruining your relationship.

First Step: Recognizing Transference Signs

How do you know when transference happens? If you are in a relationship, pay attention to signs like these:

  • Obsession toward a relationship, regardless of damages or unending conflicts
  • Persistent demands to change other people to fit expectations
  • Inexplicable repulsion or attraction toward someone, often not based on reality
  • Disappointment from drastic differences between fantasy and reality
  • Making every behavior or word from someone else as a personal thing
  • Strong emotions (positive or negative) when your partner says or does something specific

By recognizing these signs, you understand that you project your past to current relationship. The best action is to find professional and social support that can give outsider’s perspective. They are also helpful when your relationship is toxic and requiring intervention.

Tips to Deal with Transference in Relationships

If your relationship is toxic and causing you (or your partner) to receive abuse, consider asking for help in breaking it. However, if the transference happens in a relationship that can still be fixed, you and your partner can work on it. Here are several tips to stop projecting the past and start focusing on the now:

  • Conduct reality check on your transference

Make the cause of your transference clear by asking an honest question, such as “Who my partner resembles?” Write down the question and the answer in a journal. Give detailed descriptions of things that make them similar. It will provide written proof of your transference cause.

  • Ask your partner about his/her feeling

Sit down with your partner and ask about how he/she feels about you. Ask your partner to be honest about certain acts or words that make them feel unappreciated, misunderstood, blamed, forcibly changed, or other negative feelings.

  • Face your past

Go through memory lane and find out more about what you lack in the past. It may be affection, affirmation, attention, appreciation, or the combination of all. You may need to discuss this with family members or talk with a therapist, because your memories or repression may cloud your judgment.

Once this problem is realized, try visiting a couple therapist with your spouse. If your relationship is worth saving, you must work together to solve the transference problem.

Transference in relationships causes people to see their partners or connections in unrealistic ways. Recognize this problem to have a healthier, more realistic relationship goal.